How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
