What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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