How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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