The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
