Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
