i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
