I need help removing her.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
