I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
