...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
