Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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