Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
