There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
