3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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