Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
