i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
As shirtless as possible
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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