u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
