I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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