They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
