How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
