I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
