i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
