allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
