the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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