Where did you get a picture of my penis
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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