she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
