dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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