wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
