I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
