Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize