she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
