i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize