it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
