today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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