Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
