Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
