the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
