I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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