theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
