Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
