A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize