i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
