Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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