Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
