We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
