you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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