it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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