And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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