Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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