matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
