He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize