Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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