well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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