sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
