how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
