went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
