I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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