It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just puked most of my soul out..
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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