yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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