Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
