my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
