Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
