me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
