So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize