Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
