dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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