I skipped work to stalk him.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
