How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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