I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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