i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
