wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
