I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize