I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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