just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
foreskin is a definite game changer
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
