I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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