There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
