D3 body, D1 cock
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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