You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
