i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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