If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
