god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
