I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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