I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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