We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
