He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
