Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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