you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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