I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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