Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
