Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
