You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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