I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
