I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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