Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
