what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
