I wish I could teleport
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
