with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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