my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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