U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
