I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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