Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize