i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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