Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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