oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
