I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
