I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
