I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
