am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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