Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
