I'm so fucking centered right now
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
