And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
